


No Light, No Light

by emquin



Series: Season 6 Reaction Fics [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: 6.03, M/M, Season 6 reaction fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 00:55:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3189776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emquin/pseuds/emquin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reaction fic. In which Kurt has a few thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Light, No Light

**Author's Note:**

> As sorta promised another reaction fic. This one goes along with both Things We Lost in The Fire and Lost In My Mind as well as another fic I will be posting right after this one which will deal with Blaine. 
> 
> I want to keep these individual one-shots seeing as they are individual and can stand alone. However, I do see them as connected and they can be read that way. 
> 
> The title of this fic comes from the title of a Florence and The Machine song...

It felt like no one got it, which was surprising to Kurt when he considered all the numerous relationships that had started, ended, and he suspected were even consummated, within the choir room. It hurt to know that none of them seemed to want to just listen to him or even try and offer some way to help him either get Blaine back or get over Blaine. The only thing they seemed to want to tell him was that it was time for him to move on. To just hammer the nail in further about Blaine having moved on with David Karofsky as if Kurt didn’t know all about it. After all, it was somehow he that kept running into them all over town. 

Kurt didn’t understand the whole Karofsky of it all, or why Blaine looked strangely happy with Dave. At first, Kurt had tried to compare it to when he had tried and failed to date Adam, but there was nothing similar about the two relationships. Kurt hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Blaine long enough to give Adam any real attention. The two whole real dates they had gone on had been failures and after that they had fallen into a pattern of hanging out at the loft with Rachel and Santana, and occasionally even Brody. 

They kissed all of two times, both short pecks that had not left an impression on Kurt. Deep down he hadn’t wanted Adam to mean anything. He had always been waiting for a time when he could let himself really forgive Blaine. 

Blaine and Dave were different to him and Adam. At least, from what Kurt could see of them. They were a couple, they weren’t just lingering over the line of friendship trying find that final push to being together. They were together, so together that they were moving in. Not just thinking about it, but actively doing it. Kurt had hoped it was like he and Adam, a fragile thing that wasn’t cemented, that didn’t mean anything. Knowing that it was more, that Blaine really had moved on, it had been like having his heart taken and crushed into an unrecognizable shape that his body didn’t seem too keen on accepting.

He leaned his head down on his kitchen table. He had dropped himself into the chair the moment he got home emotionally exhausted and almost ready to call it all quits. Brittany’s metaphor with her mounds bars did have some merit to it. But he had tried it, hadn’t he, back in New York? He had gone to speed dating and even gotten on tindr and somehow all of it had just lead to his painful realization that there was no one else out there for him except Blaine. Blaine of course didn’t share that outlook. After all, he was ready to just move in with Karosky. 

Kurt hated that he knew that. He hated that Brittany had gone and told him all about how she was helping them decorate. Brittany and Santana were at the very top of his list of least helpful friends. They were so in love and so consumed by it that neither realized how hard it was on him to be around them or to have to be witness to their engagement. 

A part of him, the part that wanted to victorious over them reminded him that Blaine’s proposal to him had been much better. It had been bigger and over the top and amazing. Then, Kurt had gone and blown it. 

To be truthful, he hadn’t meant to speak out right after the proposal, and to put his and Blaine’s issues on Brittany and Santana’s relationship. He just hadn’t been able to help it. They had both paid him back for it in their own ways and Kurt couldn’t really hate either of them for throwing their relationship in his face and for constantly reminding him how over he and Blaine were. 

He stood up from the kitchen table. He was definitely in no mood to cook, or to eat, or to even be bothered with gathering any of his things. He walked up to his room and collapsed on his bed. 

A week ago he had been on Rachel’s bed, crying and talking about Blaine and Karofksy and she had been so very willing to listen to him. She had brought him ice cream and pizza and Kurt had felt just a tiny shimmer of hope. Now, that tiny flame was dying. It was getting crumpled by his friends and even more so by Blaine and Karofsky and their togetherness. 

Kurt wrapped his arms around one of his pillows, burying his face into the soft down. All week he had been thinking about them. About the good times and the bad, because it didn’t matter that there had been bad times. He wanted all of it back. What he wouldn’t give to just fight with Blaine for three hours about something stupid one more time, or to just hear his breathing while he slept with his head right over Kurt’s chest. 

He was sobbing before he realized, his tears running right across the bridge of his nose and mingling together as they fell right into his pillow. 

He would allow himself this, because he was slowly starting to realize that maybe he was wrong again. He had been wrong about breaking up with Blaine, and now he was wrong about the possibility that they might get back together. Blaine wasn’t just in a rebound relationship. He couldn’t be if he was moving in with Karofksy and Kurt had to face it. He had to let the reality sink in. Furthermore, he needed to stop dwelling on it and dwelling on the past because it wasn’t healthy to keep losing himself to the good times, and because he definitely couldn’t change any of the past or any of his mistakes. When he walked back into McKinley the next day, he would apologize to Rachel and maybe even to Santana if he could bear to stomach it.


End file.
